vent

sitting up i hear a sound that brings me back. to a place when i was awake in the morning and asleep after that. now its all changed. everything we ever have will change.

i wake up sweating. my sheets have wrapped themselves around me. i think they’re going for my throat. not awake from my dream, you untangle me. i wake up you are gone, the sheets are still trying to strangle me

lately adventure is right in front of you. what road will you take, what turf is tasty to you’re wheels? a sense of justice hangs over my head like the fog.
i'm smoking.

don't close you're eyes,
you could cold cry awake.
and think of how bad you cant sleep.
...or focus you’r mind , put your ducks in a line and dream that fucking dream


i cant get the thoughts out fast enough i just need to type and not stop let it come out and up what needs to be chucked out the window of my ba.g. i need to keep going and listen to this song from the porch its raining the wind blows my face to sorts of shades i cant be happier the warm air and hot summer rain keep me happy to be awake. so next time you go out side in a summer rain feel it. touch it. let it touch you in the soul. don't be afraid its not going to molest you. after all we are all human maybe things would be better if we weren't. like, for instance what if dolphins discovered bananas before monkeys did? we would all be overpowered by a fish mammal. jesus christ that's a crazy thought. i wonder if we gave them thumbs we could evolve them into a human dolphin hybrid. or it would make a dolphin pokemon

will be possible you keep creep sneaking up on me and feed and

girls

so i didnt really like this when it first came out, a little too teenage for my taste. then i took another listen. the sweet lofi nostalgic vibes i get from it is amazingly pure. this album is actually O.K. in my book

=

check this out

The Beach

So for the past couple weeks i've been reading a book called "the beach". this book captured my attention and took my imagination to new heights. it made me really want to travel. after i finished the book i decided i'd finally watch the movie for the first time. at the first of the movie i have to say i was impressed with how well it was communicating the book across. then they got to the beach.up to that point it was pretty much in sync with the book. but of course hollywood has to add numerous sex scenes. one of the best parts of the book is the main character "richard" is in love with a french girl that he cant have. in the book (like in reality) he didnt get the girl. in the movie the leo dicaprio version of richard fucks people he never thought of in the book. i was also dissapointed in the movie not mentioning Jed at all, they kind of rolled him off into the "Sal" character mixed with richard. he doesn't go too insane in the book and only a few people leave the island. where as in the movie they /

you really cant go wrong with danny boyle

The Beach

slam

ive been browsing some really leggit slam poetry on youtube before i go out tonight. i dont know what but 4 out of 5 so far have made me cry. out of no where, out of nothing. i never cry. they just hit me so hard tonight. hopefully i've found a ritual to get rid of my tears without feeling sorry for myself.

tristessa

this novella is an amazing piece of writing. i myself have never read any Kerouac before this, but wow i'm a believer. the descriptions of the seemingly simply day to day grime in mexico city. he's in love with a junkie and the book is basically about how he watched her dissolve.

highly recommended
should only take a couple days to read, maybe even a day if your fast!

its

it is a time in my life that i feel legitimate ...the girl i like has denied me and i still feel fine. thats all i need

hatred

hatred came and made things not matter so much anymore. a joke is what the punchline will always deliver ...why the fuck cant i remember that?



Q: why the fuck am i so graphic with my blog images lately1?!?!?!??!

A: im waiting to smoke a cigarette while its way too late and i only have one match

i...

I finally drop both shoulders.





i realize that no ones going to have my babies, and accept the fact that im not even sure i can make them.

have you ever

have you ever googled hatred?

love is reality right?

i think its going to be a long long time. what is love? such a strange cycle of emotion. this question has been being asked since the invention of the word. or the feeling before the words. im stumped as to where to find a recipe guaranteeing that you'll fall in love. its all based upon the people involved and people are the most inconsistent beings on earth. will we evolve enough to understand love and since its technically the future, where is our love potion and understanding of each other? i keep my mind open so i dont block out any inspiration. lately i've been gazing into myself and seeing what no one else does, but i feel they can. i feel naked for no reason. i need to get over these strange uncontrollable anxiety fits related to social acceptance. the more you try and control something the more control you will lose. your shaky thoughts will spread to you hands and the heat inside will turn red. i'm not lonely by any means just so concerned with my lack of basic knowledge of a 'simple' definition of love.

hiromi

Chat History
3:12amHiromi
amazing place! Hawaii is cool! I think that you like Hawaii.
3:13amMe
i think i would too. i miss japan everyday
3:13amHiromi
And you miss me ? hah
3:14amMe
OF COURSE!
i seriously do sometimes
that was so fun
3:15amHiromi
Thank you ,I think about you sometimes,too.
3:16amMe
what time is it there?
3:16amHiromi
19h 16 !
3:17amMe
its 3:17am here
3:17amHiromi
You are not sleepy?
3:18amMe
i have problems falling asleep ):
3:19amHiromi
Are you ok? you have astress?
3:19amMe
im sad sometimes... i cant make my mind stop thinking
3:20amHiromi
Oh.Im sorry ..you need hot milk!
3:21amMe
hahah instead im drinking beer \:
3:22amHiromi
haha I like beer ,too! I want to drink with you~!
3:24amMe
we will! in about 8 months. im excited to see you. really. i have butterflies in my stomach from thinking about you
so strange
3:27amHiromi
Im excited ,too!!When I visit New York, you lead me...!
3:28amMe
in mesa Arizona
3:29amHiromi
You are in mesa Arizona now?
3:29amMe
its been 6 years since we have made eye contact
yes
3:30amHiromi
I thought that you were still in Utah.
3:30amMe
no i moved here 3 weeks ago for school
so its new to me
3:31amHiromi
you are so busy!
3:31amMe
i really am its crazy
i love it though
3:32amHiromi
I dont change my house.
3:33amMe
do you live with your parents?
3:33amHiromi
Yes! and you?
3:33amMe
nope
what school do you go to?
3:37amHiromi
I go to college to learn french and to take capacity of education.
3:37amMe
i see
what else is new with you?
3:39amHiromi
I went to Frence last summer.
and Monaco
3:39amMe
REALLY? paris? i want to go so bad. french is a very sexy language
3:42amHiromi
yes ! Paris and the south ,near the Mediterranean
3:43amMe
beautiful
3:44amHiromi
it was wonderful.
3:44amMe
im so jealous
3:46amHiromi
My exchange student who lives in Utah married.
3:46amMe
what?
3:47amHiromi
The gilrs who are in Utah marry early.
3:47amMe
yeah they are stupid
hahah
do you have a boyfriend?
3:48amHiromi
Because of Mormon?
3:49amMe
probably. i dont know, im not mormon
3:49amHiromi
Yes, I have a boyfriend
3:49amMe
i hope he's nice to you
3:51amHiromi
Thank you.and you,too!
3:51amMe
lol you dont undertand english anymore
understand*

just realized this album has stood the test of time. its been with me during some of the best and worst times of my life.

Running around 'cause you beat yourself up

school is awesome i got 100% on my first test. i love where im at in life right now. things seem to be opening up and the clouds are starting to clear on my misunderstanding of being an adult. its almost as if i havent been alive all my years as a teen and now im thrown into an adult world where im expected to be responsible for my actions...and i am. im finally starting to understand that basic concept of life. you get what you put into it. and if you float around all day doing nothing TIME STANDS STILL. when you have things to do you dont have nearly enough time....its so strange. stare at a clock and it will take 60 seconds for a minute to go by, have a conversation and one minute seems to pass in about 10 seconds.

dont think im not thinking of you

sometimes you encounter certain people that will never leave your thoughts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hircSEEbw_8