trying so hard

what happened to the little kid i used to have inside me?
did the liquor kill him?
or was it the sex, pills, and cigarettes?
what happens to us when we grow out of living?
maybe that child knew his limits, knew when to say when.
the bigger kid isn't so good at quitting it.
is that why you dont see my teeth when i smile?
is that tiny skeleton still buried alive?
is lack of a proper funeral the reason why i cant sleep?
i want to miscarry this second personality.
create a lung vaccuum and suck him right out of me.
please teach me how to raise the dead,
i want to go back to being a kid.
i wish i could love the taste of candy again.
all i taste now is whisky and gin.