i come here to store my thoughts cause i know no one will ever read this shit. new york is such a joke, why live some where you can barely exist and stick it out. when all you are is your social status or who you know. well guess what"? i don't want to know any of these assholes and i definetly don't want to consider myself one of them, i guess it took me a couple years to figure this place out and see it without its mask. i'm sure tons of people love flaunting their ego and even enjoy the company of others ego, but its not for me. i did find an amazing girl here who i really love. the entire purpose of me moving here was to find like minded people and be more easily accepted. since i've been here i haven't found anyone that is on the same page as me, i see a bunch of young kids trying to act older and a bunch of old people trying to act younger. i see people say they are real, when they are just grown up versions of bullies. its a fucking joke. the bar scene is just a funnel for your money, and time, and soul. it will take your soul away, i haven't met anyone that does anything but drink and smoke. i honestly don't know how the fuck anyone puts up with this place. i used to feel like there was some beauty in the irony of living like this. there is none, its ugly here, even the yoga teachers are pieces of shit. this is what all the faggots in the bible were talking about with that bad place that eventually got turned into hell. tons of people work there ass off to afford a tiny apartment, they get treated like shit no matter where they go. there is no self worth only outer social worth. you are only what you are perceived as, and its set up to be that way and stay that way. the joke is i can't make friends here, because everything is entirely fucked up i don't even know if i make eye contact with people when i look at them. i need somewhere where i can relax not be strung out, ran thin and driven over just for hellsake. i thought there was a heart here, but its all just eyes and genitals. what a joke, what a fucking big fat joke. thank god this isn't the capital of america its the fucking asshole of america. i think i might get a gun and shoot up the entire city. love doesn't exist here people just enjoy themselves around others. no magic, no stupid fucking magic. i wanted to see sparks, fireworks. AMAZING THINGS. all i've seen here is shit, some of its tall, some of its short, some of it has an ass, some of it has a face, most of it smells like shit and tastes like shit. they say its a great place for food, and i'll admit i've not been eating at the right places, but you definetly trade in quality for quantity. thats how it is a face for ever loser here. which if you are paying rent in new york city you are the biggest losers in america. and stupid, programmed from media and what you see. its cloaked fascism. ever since i arrived i haven't been able to feel clean. right after the shower the sickness of all the people creeps over you, and stays there. there is some strange society here that is self programming and self oscillating, its cultish and i want to get away from it. i've killed 2 kids here, and i'm not supposed to care.
