godamn

man i feel good this french piece of shit cafe i have no idea how it hasn't gone under yet, the french douchebag with a pony tail sucking dick listening to the worste music ever, and you can't sit with a coffee, they have a 4 dollar minimum which is fucking stupid i came here to have a breathe alone which i am getting...but at a price of 2 extra dollars i didn't want his stupid fucking crossants that i've had before and they taste dry and shitty. the coffe even sucks here the only reason i am here is because i have no where else to go and my room is occupied by my girlfriend and mother. i had a really great day yesterday i haven't bought anything for myself in a long time and my mom took me shopping and bought me whatever i wanted, i also ended up buying 2 new records velvet underground self titled and a new order record that the store dude recommended.  i hope i don't get bed bugs from sitting in this shit hole.  i think i want to buy a nintendo ds today but i can't tell if i want a television and a real game console instead.  i had an amazing night last night my mom and i went to williamsburg to shop and see the water, we ended up at the punk rock n roll bar the charleston we had a few drinks and talked about life eating a pizza and then went back to the water, she watched my back while i pissed in public it was cool.  she is an awesome lady and i wish she would just move here already. i woke up earlier than her and my girlfriend today. probably from the post drunk sugar rush that floods my head around this time nearly every morning. i drank well whisky last night and turned into a dick by the end. whats new with that?  i guess i called my girlfriend dumb, which i definetly do not believe.  she has a new job and is doing awesome im so happy she's finally at a job she likes.  i didn't want to talk to some fucking scuzzy local asshole last night about his security jobs and his strenghts, i hate people that fish for attention. one simple reason why i won't give those peopel the attention they crave and set you up for is because i'm not like them, i don't do that so i wont support or help out someone that does. its a dumb thing but i guess kind of stubborn. but really man you could have left us in our dead conversation where i say nothing but how i feel in the moment. i'm decked out in new threads looking beautiful and i'm sick of dumb fucking idiots all the time. maybe i'm the dumb one afterall now that i have a phone and grind my teeth. they don't want loner lurkers here i guess stupid fucking ponytail, atleast get a bun you fucking losery. i can't believe the business you get. why am i so angry i had a great day yesterday and don't feel half bad other than i am hung over as a busy slut. i had 3 circular brusises stacked on my lower back right over my spine yesterday, today it has turned into 4, i hope it isn't cancer. but knowing the way i treat myself thats really all it could be.  i'd finally have a reason to be afraid if that is true.  but i don't think it is i think i have a pinched nerve or some shit.  sometimes i can't sit still. most the time i can't sit still and don't know what to do with my hands but bring them to my mouth, like a liar.  no when i glance up the caffeine tackles the hangover and puts words in little blocks not called paragraphs. i'll never be satisfied. i want to become a chiropractor/acupuncture massage therapist or whatever. i want to heal people i don't want to drift from bar to bar anymore looking down thinking about how i have failed at my first choice. but i haven't failed at all i'm a great engineer that can solve any problem i'm faced with, i DO NOT want to have a career that is based on making shitty artists appear better than they are. i'm pretty fucking certain i hate most artists especially the ones that try to hard. i guess its cause i can relate to them and see all their fallacy too well. god fuck i have no idea when i'll finally be happy. i like hanging out with my mom a lot but i just don't want her to get that goofy weird  clingy love.  sometimes i act like that with nadine and hate it i see her in myself and i love her very much but for some reason it irks me so bad. losery is my new favorite word i judege all these people becuase i feel that way about myself obviously. i don't know how i love my girlfriend but somehow still always feel like i'm pretending when i'm around her. i love her for sure, i only want to stop hiding that from her.this place is playing the worste music i've ever heard. fucking joke i tell you. i have been getting a strange buzzing in my brain for a while now when i finally feel alive or stimulated its retarded. i love good coffee it makes you shit.