HOMEWARD

I haven't been home for a bit so my mom bought me a ticket and i leave on wednesday.  When I visit home I like to find cheap electronic circuit bending canditates. Visiting mormon thrift stores and sifting through old used up shit. handheld cassette recorders and toy keyboards are gold to me. what places sell them in nyc is ridiculous. in utah you can pick up a tape recorder from savers for 2 bucks, this is how it should be world. i'm unemployed and stirring here its pretty odd. this still feeling i feel alone isn't sufficient and instantly dissapears when i'm around people. i realized how much i love and care about my girlfriend. she is upstate right now with a friends family staying in a cabin.  she doesnt have service, so i can't text her like usual to cheer me up.  i am going to focus in utah and get a good financial plan going and try and overcome some depression maybe get some help with it.  my cigarette addiction has turned me frigid. its controlling and evil.  i let it be. but i feel like i'm not strong enough to stop. its so easy to forfeit control to our ass eating society. this economy built backwards. I just watche a negeo special drugs inc on heroin.  it is very eye opening to the problems drug cause in the health world. there is an experimental clinic in switzerland that is administiring addicts with 100% pure heroin twice a day.  the addicts say they can lead a much more normal life this way, they are able to sustain relationships, hobbies and jobs. unlike before the clinic when they were completely out of control and ashamed of their habbit.  i think this is a good approach, the doctor doesn't pull a rabbit out of the hat or trick you into thinking its a perfect program, its just designed to reach the addicts and gain trust so they can help them work on the real problems. i think its a really cool idea that is better than jail. if they got to have it they have to have it.  there is also a man in chicago that goes around to crack houses, and shooting galleries to administer fresh syringes and heroin antidode.  i think this guy is really inspiring and cool. he saves lives and helps people that are in a very strange feedback loop of death.  they are alive but stuck on one idea for way to long. its like breath to them because their brain is no longer theirs.  checkout the doc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYiuRyLnZOk