Wednesday, May 21, 2014

novella draft dont forget -note to self MILEY CYRUS

HELL LEAKS


CHAPTER 1


its day i don't know what anymore, I'm tired of waking up. i'm bored of whats there when I finally do roll out of bed.  The sirens stopped maybe a year ago? maybe 30 years ago?  My beard is grey, I like it.  I'm the only silver fox left on this putrid lopsided radiation infected planter.
My name was connor I lived my life as all did during the past, as pretend.  To be accepted. 
I wore the clothes,
I went to the jobs,
I drove the cars. 
I made small talk about organic foods.


that was years ago,
I'm not sure how many.  
maybe 30 maybe 20.
My head hurts gradually, overtime. everytime i wake up I wake up thinking fuck my life.  the waves of toxic human waste seeps into mysleep and I wake up shaking and accidentally kicking my pet mechanical rabbit.  (her name is roxy she is more like a dog)  she gets angry briefly then understands my unconscious tantrum.  I try and keep her safe as much as i can . she's all the hope i have left. all the hope of love. 
Its like waking up in a room of spraypaint with all he windows closed.  you nightmare everything because your braincells are melting and you waking up reaching for them.  instead you kick your pet rabbit.  
god left us ….i don't know how long ago
20 30 years
maybe more, but as they say gods years could be any amount of human years.
I can't believe i can type after this radiation.  I've taken shelfter in a n old abandoned house in the suburbs of a small state i believe is called utah, i've puzzled the street signs and maps together to figure that it is called utah.   
i'm not sure 
it was maybe 20-34 years ago

I wonder how old i am
i wonder how old i would be if this didn't happen….i wonder why i'm still alive.  I wonder what I will eat for breakfast.. humans have failed the earth and it no longer grows healthy fruits.  the seeds i eat are of old carcass, or other people just like me , last week i tricked a family into my crawl space disguising roxy as a flesh and bone good eating rabit.  (I had to cover her red eyes.  )  once they were down there I locked the trapdoor and left for atlas a week
maybe two
maybe 20 years,

when I came back the youth were rotten there were 3 boys and 1 girl, a father (weaker than the youngest girl, i'm sure from failing his family)  and the wife was still moving ..  I'm not a murderer
so I closed the door again as flies swarmed out.
slipping on my gas mask or doctors mask, or bandanna….I don't know what they would call it or what it is even, it might be an ex mammal.  for some reason i think its lizard, I read that word at a library in a  book entitled "darwins cock" or something like that. from what my shit for brains memory recalls , i came format that lizard (my face rag)  and its tough


I stomped through the glowing snow in my ravaged boots i murdered and 18 year old boy for, atlas i think it was a boy you cant tell now that the bombs pretty much burnt off all parts you weren't huddled over grasping.. he seemed man enough with a little prick of hair under his chin surely underdeveloped.  
my stomach was starting to swell up and I was unsure of my own man parts they were hidden from this fat birthing purple bulge.  
I think I have parasites.

I continue stomping throughout he snow-spots glowing with some nucleaur bullshit that got poured on us during ….i don't even remember it was 20-maybe 60 years ago


i made an igloo (i learned this from the exactl same book format eh library)  and began feeling warmth. roxy was "sleeping or recharging by laying in a puddle of green glowing yellow snow. somehow she had adapted to the fumes and took advantage of them.  she ran on the stuff.   

alone staring at the center of the room imagininign a fire that wasn't yellow and making me dizzy.  maybe the dizziness helped I had something no body else did some sort of immunity to this dilemma.


i woke up after 30 maybe 20 years …. I was in the same place time means nothing
roxy was gone, probably scouting.  Such a great little companion.  I punched myself a number of times before i could see clearly and venture out following the scattered hoppy footprints my last chance of love had left behind.  on the way I found a dead glowing flower that spit poison ivy or some highly evolved or corrupt version. IT may have been a hedge hog..  I was "hungry" so I released yesterdays meal into my canister and ate mmmm some of it was still whole,  thank s god.

after an hour or 20-30 years I finally caught up with roxy that was gnawing on what looked like a battery, NEXT TO A DEAD HUMNA, i hope human.  I approached with caution because the androids have been hunting us to ruin the planet further I still don't get what what y get out of it.  I wish I could give it to them and they would go away .  it was definitely a human, Dressed in eskimo attire (learned from the same library book )  I hung over him and waited for a sign of life, I heard a breath and quickly stamped on the back of his neck three or five maybe 30-40 times. i stopped and waited as some purplish rare red blood spurted only for a moment before the veins froze and beceame useless.. like killing a deer if you don't get to it before the flies lay eggs in it it becomes useless.. this man/woman/bleeder was my food for a week.  I worked for an hour and a half, oro 20-40years to simplify his form to fit in my nap sack.  I would be ok for now depending on what i ran into on my way back to the igloo, I would stash the corpse Parts there, and return them home, treating it as a highly evolved deep freeze. .  God i could go for a creamsicle.

CHAPTER 2
roxy is acting funny her eyes are projecting a purple kind of beam and she is making a chattering noise.. when i try and confront her she looks like an old woman with caderaccs.  i even kissed her on the cheek. she didn't get the message.  
I'd never seen this behavior in her as long as i've lived maybe 20-80- years….in human in god years who knows how long that really is?

quiz time
1.who is your god?
2. do you talk to it?
3. what would you ask it right now
4. your god is dead


I have eaten a good amount of the findings from the other day and I feel strength like i haven't in years, maybe 20 -22 years.  maybe hwen i was 20.. I don't know atlas i'm still concise enough to kno what I am retarded. 

which Is politically correct because all the politicians have died, that leaves only me.  don't save the trees their already dead, 
no obama care he's already ……

just do what we were put here to , hunt and be hunted.  i sometimes wonder if I was missed int he mass murder of humans for a reason or if I just lucked out, or if i deserve this hell.  Either way I'm hungry.  not for food. for pussy. for swollen wet north african french moroccan pussy. the kind of woman that will never exist again the kind of woman that has creases from the profile of her naked body that you may call curves.  they drive me crazy.. maybe they keep me sane.  I have tried beating my dick, fucking ice holes, fucking other homed devices, fucking roxy, its all pointless I did cum once in deep "meditation" using my left hand but I wa sonly imagining her curves and her mouth on the tip ass I got my heart rate up so fast it exploded out into her gorgeous mouth, and for an act so ugly she made it look so beautifully and took it like a queen.  

I still elieve in love because of that. she will never leave me no matter how dead she is or retarded from radiation.  I will always have that imaginary verisou of the one that "got away"  

sorry to get off topic but now i'm reminded off her .  I wen tot vegas with her . i met her in new york at a party.  not just any party the best party of my entire life.   I wen tot meet up wtha  buddy after work and had a little trouble finding this place, but once up the four flights of graffitied stairwell there wa a hall lined with people on either side, and rooms leadining to different "lofts" or party houses.  I located greg and got a drink of vodka (my least favorite but oh god what id kill fo ra  drink of it now)  I walked up to him  face to face eye contact and everything and said as loud as i could "suppppppppp nigggga lets inf some bitches to makeup with )  this was my attitude after working retail in what used to be manhattan .   vein

vanity

he mumbled like usual and i turned around. he was already talking to two women, the choice was mine because his looks were ok but i had the favor. … also they both looked up former sucking their straws directly when I turned.   I knew instantly the one on the right hand side was the one.. she wasn't necessarily my type but we got talking (thank greg for already having the women present)  here name was nadine and she was a jew that grew up in new york city, she just had a birthday and left an eric cropland show, I Was in love at that point, before she shared her moonrocks ro what rappers would later name the shit "molly"   I showed her the worst side of me the tifrst night, not great advice to all you young radiation fucktards.  never let them in.  

I asked her to kiss me
I hit my head informant of a group of livers 
I road home in a cab with her
I took the train home 
I loved her..

I just wanted to be in love…

I still want to prove it. maybe that is love me wanting to prove it.

No comments:

Google